Everyone salivates.

chocolate covered human hearts sprinkled with sugar oozing saccharine blood and dangling vessels... with a cherry on top....have a good V.D.

people who are smarter than me intimidate me

Ive been reading the things i wrote back in the day...years ago. This is one of my favorite memories:

"...I remember being a kid and learning about the human digestive system in the third grade. They talked about the salivary glands and how the food starts in the mouth and the saliva is the first part of the digestive process. Up until that point I had wondered what that wet stuff was that was in my mouth all the time. I always had wondered if it was normal to have so much moisture eeking out from under my tongue and I wondered if other people had the same curious oddity that was a leaking mouth. But I was always too embarassed to ask about it. And it wasn't until the third grade that I learned the candid truth. Everyone salivates, Becky. It serves a purpose, you're not abnormal, you're not having a health crisis. It's OKAY! And I was relieved. Whew. Dodged a bullet there.


And that is a true story."

And I forgot how funny this joke was to me:

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer
he asks the bar tender, "How much do I owe ya?"
Bar tender answers, "For you, NO CHARGE!"

I wrote this a year ago...

Sepia-toned sunglasses.

Misty drizzle.

Heavy inhalations, sultry humid air.

How much of what we are is what we will be.

How much of who we were is who we are now.

How hard it is to become who you want to be.

Predominantly poised, secretly psychotic.

Is every reality a dream. Is every dream a reality?

Preconceived mold. Inevitably type-cast. The many roles of one.

Weak.

So irrit-tat-ting.

This individual always sucked into pigeon holes.

Gravitating like gaping singularities. Past the event horizon.

Can you build me a spaceship flying faster than light.

How much is that becky in the window?

Broken up sidewalks. Birds in flight. Rumble of the street car.

Where do we go, nobody knows.

A community of two is better?

How about a love story of one...

Something good.

Oh what a way that we die
Plenty of tears were supplied
My eyes are wrung out and dry as a bone
And I taste much better alone

Untitled.

They say monkeys are the less intelligent primate because they fling their poo...but have you ever tried it?

Misled I bled till the poison was gone

As I look at what I've done
The type of life that I've lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man's wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than any oceans
My soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with

I used to love him but now I don't
(Repeat to end)

And you can have this heart to break.

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Illogical

I am adamantly convinced that dating, relationships, and all elements of romantic love are the most illogical concepts in existence. Human beings were invented to be crazy emotional basket cases. And that is fact.

When you hear the phrase one is "crazy about" another, usually we take that to mean he or she really really likes the other. But I feel like in most cases its literally more of an accurate description than not. Crazy.

We are all crazy illogical and irrational beings. To become dependent on another individual's presence for one's own emotional well-being seems like the worst idea possible. And yet we keep doing it. Again and again.

I liken it to heroine. The ups and downs of drug use equate metaphorically with matters of the heart. Euphoria followed by devastation and every degree of happy and sad therein. Like a roller coaster of emotions, to use a common cliche.

Would you say then that emotions are the opposite of logic?

And what are the implications of that from the standpoint of someone trying to shoot up the emotional love heroine while riding the roller coaster of doubts and fears?

Should she attempt to separate her emotions out and completely ignore every impulse she may have. Just coasting along down the steady stable path of logical thought processes.

We cannot prevent our emotions from manifesting. We can only control our actions.

The thing about roller coasters--emotional and otherwise-- Its usually not long before its time to get off and go wait in line for the next ride.

I'd certainly like something more than a top thrill dragster...intensely exciting but disappointingly short-lived.

Does marriage then equate to the circuitous train around the amusement park that never stops? Have I taken the metaphor too far...