buying lots of accessories doesnt really fill up the emptiness.
balancing between light and dark
choices
to fall into the abyss
to stay strong
to wait
to fear.
fear is not a choice it is a default.

Far, far there was this little girl..

I like the boy on idol who never smiles.

I finally got around to reading(starting) Brave New World. And I totally relate to the dude who was not socially conditioned to think like the rest of his kind. The one who thinks too much about the ills of society and is therefore unhappy-- unlike the rest of the oblivious world. He doesn't take the happy pills so he is all the worse for it.

I've not finished the story yet, so we'll see how he fares. I can only hope for the best. Though he probably is killed off by the crazy ignorant blissful sexaholics. Tragic.

Still seeking a job, if you have one tell me. I draw the line at sex worker. But I'm open to most anything else.

:)




Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something to happen to her
everyday she writes words and more words
just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside
and she's strong when the dreams come cos' they
take her, cover her, they are all over
the reality looks far now, but don't go

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside

Where is my grown up Fun Day?

Every spring in grade school there was one day of the year that was looked forward to beyond all others. They called it Fun Day and it was a glorious time for 5-11 year olds. A day in which each classroom would create a special game and children would wander the hallways freely to line up and participate in these fun activities. At the end of each game a child would receive a prize and they would stick it into a bag full of goodies to take home and enjoy until next spring when the next Fun Day rolled around.

One year I attempted to collect at least five total witch fingers to amount to a whole hand. I ended up with a cheap yo-yo, a cheap kaleidoscope, a very effective chinese finger trap, and a cheap slap bracelet. All of the items were cheap, but we were kids and we did not care.

The point was, it was an entire day where we could dispense with all rules and regulations, abandon our quest for knowledge, and just enjoy a fun day.

My question is this: where is the fun day for adults? Every day we wipe the gunk out of our eyes and begin the unethusiastic commute to our job career occupation. We do our work, we go home. We don't get paid to have fun, we get paid to be productive. When we aren't working, we are out and about running errands, keeping up with social contacts, working out, reading, following the same routine day after day.

What would happen if we just decided to abandon all the rules and productivity, the daily routine and just wander the hallways playing fun games and getting cheap fun prizes. Wouldn't that be a nice change of pace?

Just something to chew on.

Everyone salivates.

chocolate covered human hearts sprinkled with sugar oozing saccharine blood and dangling vessels... with a cherry on top....have a good V.D.

people who are smarter than me intimidate me

Ive been reading the things i wrote back in the day...years ago. This is one of my favorite memories:

"...I remember being a kid and learning about the human digestive system in the third grade. They talked about the salivary glands and how the food starts in the mouth and the saliva is the first part of the digestive process. Up until that point I had wondered what that wet stuff was that was in my mouth all the time. I always had wondered if it was normal to have so much moisture eeking out from under my tongue and I wondered if other people had the same curious oddity that was a leaking mouth. But I was always too embarassed to ask about it. And it wasn't until the third grade that I learned the candid truth. Everyone salivates, Becky. It serves a purpose, you're not abnormal, you're not having a health crisis. It's OKAY! And I was relieved. Whew. Dodged a bullet there.


And that is a true story."

And I forgot how funny this joke was to me:

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer
he asks the bar tender, "How much do I owe ya?"
Bar tender answers, "For you, NO CHARGE!"

I wrote this a year ago...

Sepia-toned sunglasses.

Misty drizzle.

Heavy inhalations, sultry humid air.

How much of what we are is what we will be.

How much of who we were is who we are now.

How hard it is to become who you want to be.

Predominantly poised, secretly psychotic.

Is every reality a dream. Is every dream a reality?

Preconceived mold. Inevitably type-cast. The many roles of one.

Weak.

So irrit-tat-ting.

This individual always sucked into pigeon holes.

Gravitating like gaping singularities. Past the event horizon.

Can you build me a spaceship flying faster than light.

How much is that becky in the window?

Broken up sidewalks. Birds in flight. Rumble of the street car.

Where do we go, nobody knows.

A community of two is better?

How about a love story of one...

Something good.

Oh what a way that we die
Plenty of tears were supplied
My eyes are wrung out and dry as a bone
And I taste much better alone

Untitled.

They say monkeys are the less intelligent primate because they fling their poo...but have you ever tried it?