Brain games

Brain games

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The only thing that there's just too little of.

The possession of above-average intelligence is an arguably isolating condition.

If I were to ever procreate, I would want to pick an intelligent sperm. But then I would worry that my progeny would be doomed to a lifetime of awkwardness as smart people are generally the most neurotic.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Weakness: bad joints. Weakness: people phobia. Weakness: self-deprecation. Weakness: hypochondriasis. Weakness: chocoloate. Weakness: cynicism.

Or would cynicism be a strength?

I guess it depends on who you ask.

Definitions is where we the people get in trouble.

Our society is set up such that there is good and evil and nothing else. Guilty or not guilty. There is no such thing as 25% guilty. At least not in our justice system. There is no gray in the world. It is all labels. Society=labels.

You are male or female and thus have the corresponding gender role characteristics involved therein. You are Christian or not. Buddhist or not. Atheist or not. You like kids, or you don't. You support health care bills or you don't. You are hippie. You are gangster. You are indie scene.

And we are all pretentious.

And so sure of ourselves. Because in everyone's mind, they are in the right. Their opinions are the correct opinions, otherwise they would not subscribe to them. There is so rarely room for any other opinion but their own. Humans do not tolerate moral conflict well.

Wrapped up in our unique identities. And we are all correct. And we cannot respect any other opinion but our own.

~~~


Why do we get so bent out of shape when someone disrespects us, and then we turn around and do a similar thing out of the same fear and indecision that was experienced by the original wrongdoer.

Is it american society that makes us dishonest to the point where we NEED to spare another person's feelings? Or is that a universal human condition?

~~~~

All persons view the world differently. Unless they don't. Maybe the normal people view it normally. And the reason I have not found anyone with my worldview is because I am the sole seer of worlds. Ours is the only reality of consequence. What makes me believe that thoughts arise in other people's brains? How do I know these people exist...the only thing I know for certain is that I am in existence.

Can we delude ourselves into believing we are crazy.

What if there were more crazy people in this world than sane. And how would you know that there isn't?

~~~~

Why is Fuck a bad word? Because mommy and daddy told me it was the first time I used it at them? What makes it so bad? is it not just four letters strung together. it creates meaning. But meaning is used differently among different individuals.

Why is frak any better or worse?

If you call a gay man a bundle of sticks, would he get offended? What if the sentiment behind was dripping with hatred?

~~

How do you navigate a world with so many diverse peoples. So many variables. What ifs. Hows comes. Where for. In what respect.

Respect.

What the world needs now is respect. Sweet respect.

Just because there is love does mean not respect is.

The more love we have, the more attachment and thus inevitable suffering. Love leads to eventual heartbreak. Respect leads to a general well-being amongst the human race.

The song got it wrong. Respect-- its the only thing that there's just too little of.

buying lots of accessories doesnt really fill up the emptiness.
balancing between light and dark
choices
to fall into the abyss
to stay strong
to wait
to fear.
fear is not a choice it is a default.

Far, far there was this little girl..

I like the boy on idol who never smiles.

I finally got around to reading(starting) Brave New World. And I totally relate to the dude who was not socially conditioned to think like the rest of his kind. The one who thinks too much about the ills of society and is therefore unhappy-- unlike the rest of the oblivious world. He doesn't take the happy pills so he is all the worse for it.

I've not finished the story yet, so we'll see how he fares. I can only hope for the best. Though he probably is killed off by the crazy ignorant blissful sexaholics. Tragic.

Still seeking a job, if you have one tell me. I draw the line at sex worker. But I'm open to most anything else.

:)




Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something to happen to her
everyday she writes words and more words
just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside
and she's strong when the dreams come cos' they
take her, cover her, they are all over
the reality looks far now, but don't go

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside

Where is my grown up Fun Day?

Every spring in grade school there was one day of the year that was looked forward to beyond all others. They called it Fun Day and it was a glorious time for 5-11 year olds. A day in which each classroom would create a special game and children would wander the hallways freely to line up and participate in these fun activities. At the end of each game a child would receive a prize and they would stick it into a bag full of goodies to take home and enjoy until next spring when the next Fun Day rolled around.

One year I attempted to collect at least five total witch fingers to amount to a whole hand. I ended up with a cheap yo-yo, a cheap kaleidoscope, a very effective chinese finger trap, and a cheap slap bracelet. All of the items were cheap, but we were kids and we did not care.

The point was, it was an entire day where we could dispense with all rules and regulations, abandon our quest for knowledge, and just enjoy a fun day.

My question is this: where is the fun day for adults? Every day we wipe the gunk out of our eyes and begin the unethusiastic commute to our job career occupation. We do our work, we go home. We don't get paid to have fun, we get paid to be productive. When we aren't working, we are out and about running errands, keeping up with social contacts, working out, reading, following the same routine day after day.

What would happen if we just decided to abandon all the rules and productivity, the daily routine and just wander the hallways playing fun games and getting cheap fun prizes. Wouldn't that be a nice change of pace?

Just something to chew on.

Everyone salivates.

chocolate covered human hearts sprinkled with sugar oozing saccharine blood and dangling vessels... with a cherry on top....have a good V.D.

people who are smarter than me intimidate me

Ive been reading the things i wrote back in the day...years ago. This is one of my favorite memories:

"...I remember being a kid and learning about the human digestive system in the third grade. They talked about the salivary glands and how the food starts in the mouth and the saliva is the first part of the digestive process. Up until that point I had wondered what that wet stuff was that was in my mouth all the time. I always had wondered if it was normal to have so much moisture eeking out from under my tongue and I wondered if other people had the same curious oddity that was a leaking mouth. But I was always too embarassed to ask about it. And it wasn't until the third grade that I learned the candid truth. Everyone salivates, Becky. It serves a purpose, you're not abnormal, you're not having a health crisis. It's OKAY! And I was relieved. Whew. Dodged a bullet there.


And that is a true story."

And I forgot how funny this joke was to me:

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer
he asks the bar tender, "How much do I owe ya?"
Bar tender answers, "For you, NO CHARGE!"

I wrote this a year ago...

Sepia-toned sunglasses.

Misty drizzle.

Heavy inhalations, sultry humid air.

How much of what we are is what we will be.

How much of who we were is who we are now.

How hard it is to become who you want to be.

Predominantly poised, secretly psychotic.

Is every reality a dream. Is every dream a reality?

Preconceived mold. Inevitably type-cast. The many roles of one.

Weak.

So irrit-tat-ting.

This individual always sucked into pigeon holes.

Gravitating like gaping singularities. Past the event horizon.

Can you build me a spaceship flying faster than light.

How much is that becky in the window?

Broken up sidewalks. Birds in flight. Rumble of the street car.

Where do we go, nobody knows.

A community of two is better?

How about a love story of one...

Something good.

Oh what a way that we die
Plenty of tears were supplied
My eyes are wrung out and dry as a bone
And I taste much better alone

Untitled.

They say monkeys are the less intelligent primate because they fling their poo...but have you ever tried it?

Misled I bled till the poison was gone

As I look at what I've done
The type of life that I've lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man's wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than any oceans
My soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with

I used to love him but now I don't
(Repeat to end)

And you can have this heart to break.

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Illogical

I am adamantly convinced that dating, relationships, and all elements of romantic love are the most illogical concepts in existence. Human beings were invented to be crazy emotional basket cases. And that is fact.

When you hear the phrase one is "crazy about" another, usually we take that to mean he or she really really likes the other. But I feel like in most cases its literally more of an accurate description than not. Crazy.

We are all crazy illogical and irrational beings. To become dependent on another individual's presence for one's own emotional well-being seems like the worst idea possible. And yet we keep doing it. Again and again.

I liken it to heroine. The ups and downs of drug use equate metaphorically with matters of the heart. Euphoria followed by devastation and every degree of happy and sad therein. Like a roller coaster of emotions, to use a common cliche.

Would you say then that emotions are the opposite of logic?

And what are the implications of that from the standpoint of someone trying to shoot up the emotional love heroine while riding the roller coaster of doubts and fears?

Should she attempt to separate her emotions out and completely ignore every impulse she may have. Just coasting along down the steady stable path of logical thought processes.

We cannot prevent our emotions from manifesting. We can only control our actions.

The thing about roller coasters--emotional and otherwise-- Its usually not long before its time to get off and go wait in line for the next ride.

I'd certainly like something more than a top thrill dragster...intensely exciting but disappointingly short-lived.

Does marriage then equate to the circuitous train around the amusement park that never stops? Have I taken the metaphor too far...