A Champagne Supernova In the Sky

Its recently occurred to me that anxiety killers make me a lot less broody, pessimistic and depressed, but also a lot less intelligent because I do not obsessively think about the world.

It used to be that I blogged because I had so many thoughts running through my head. Now I am lucky to find thoughts amidst all the business and anxiety reduction pills.

Sadly in order to function properly, I need drugs.

Here are some slightly depressing yet thoughtful excerpts from Becky minus SSRIs.



~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Thursday, April 16, 2009

People are preoccupied with appearance. Aesthetic outward beauty. Yes. I believe its natural. That's why the man peacock is colorful. Because he is beautiful and that signifies he would make good healthy peacock babies. Are we as humans supposed to transcend the laws of nature?

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Friday, March 06, 2009

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore

How many of us really have ended up where we had hoped we would be at our age. Maybe goals change. Maybe you change. Or maybe you give up on goals that seem too lofty.

The prefrontal cortex controls inhibition. Those with a large prefrontal cortex are said to have stronger inhibitory controls. Those who have damaged that part of the brain are often 100% spontaneous. I read an article that recommends ways to improve and develop that part of your brain to give you stronger inhibitory control.

But personally I need advice as to how to do the opposite.

Your decision making capabilities are well below par when you overthink everything.

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote

Today I went to the park of roses and it is completely gutted, brown, desolate, dry and dead. Every hue holds the same value of ugly and mucky. I brought my camera but there was nothing aesthetic about the place. But in its own way....it was beautiful. Kind of like a blank slate. Tabula rasa.

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Thursday, March 05, 2009

The cadence of consonants, structurally sound, acute alliterative attention, modifiers modifying les mots de la langue.

There is debate as to whether the art of writing can be taught. Either you are born a writer with the love of language, or you are born as simple-minded as most human beings who dangle their participles and misplace their modifiers. There are only so many Nietzches, Rembrandts, Einsteins, and Beethovens, just as are there only so many Hemmingways. To aspire to greatness is to assure one's own inevitable failure. The literary, poetic, prose writers of the past become immortalized through their genius, ghostly syllables living on in the stark contrast of black on white. Academia worships you, you are the gods of fiction, the kings of prose.

Plot. Structure. Subtext.

What does minutiae even mean?

minutiae: n. precise details; small or trifling matters


Once upon a time, I began to exist.

Anniversaries are a completely arbitrary concept, as if the passage of one full year actually means anything. 23 years ago, I emerged into a world of hate, suffering, hope, a planet so rife with troubles, a people so in denial of its own flawed nature. 23 years ago, I couldn't form a word. 22 years ago, I couldn't form a sentence. 10 years ago, I could form no original thoughts. Today, I can conjur no hope.

Are we really just primal beings controlled by our primitive impulses. Sex, hunger, pain.

The pleasure principle. Avoid pain, flock to pleasure. The only way our species is to survive is to have a lot of sex. Genetic variability. Apocalypse, please.


To contemplate the ills of society is to open oneself to the uncertainty that is the nature of the universe. Entropy rules the world, a choatic cacophony of instability. Probabilty in quantum mechanics, principles of uncertainty. Thanks, Heisenberg.

Mythology is a blanket of hope, a blindfold of fiction, the cocoon of freedom from intellectual curiousity. Interrogate the world amidst destruction, animosity, oppression, hypocrisy. Fire and brimstone here on earth, is this planet another world's hell? Ask the questions or swallow the answers.

Exploding star of the bubbly amber alcoholic beverage variety aloft in the heavens above.

Sometimes succinct is simply the best choice.
Someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide.

23 years ago, I began to exist. Will I exist in 23 more? Will I want to?

Mindlessness. The senseless masses. Perfunctory pleasantries, please proceed with passivity. The blindfold of reality descends to staunch creativity and condition conformity. Prepare to be assimilated. Resistance, as many of you well know, is futile.

Beliefs are stronger than facts. Faith is a pretty name for a girl, but as a concept lacks desirability. Constant criticism, questioning the questions. Accept nothing as certain in an uncertain world.

Neurological chemicals tell us when we are sad. Love is the limbic system telling us to procreate.

Once upon a time, I began to exist. The verb remains unerroneous. I exist, I will until I do no longer. After that, once can only hope for the best and keep cranking the handle of passion.

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Gosh...I kind of miss being broody and pessimistic. It beats being vacuous and boring.

Sometimes I Do Cool Things With Illustrator.

Diego, March 2009
Created in May 2009 by Rebekah M Flory

That is love.

If an alcoholic is happy, do you try and change her self destructive behavior or do you just live and let live?

On the way home to the parent's house billboard reads: You're wife is HOT. Fix your air conditioner.

Its a beautiful day to be angry.

I'm headed to the hammock to read a book.

I should probably do some yoga too. Becky needs some stress-reduction.

People make me angry.

Is it too late to become a recluse?

I leave you with this:





That's love.

Sober people do funny things too.

As I go to untag questionable photos of me on facebook, I realize that all of the photos where I look like I am heavily inebriated, I am quite the opposite. And the few photos of me inebriated I look nice clean cut and cognizant.

I have too many pictures to filter everything. I give up.

Privacy settings it is.

People talk as if the ultimate goal is to get this great job in the corporate world many of my closet friends know as "hell". If money is all that you love then I guess I can see why its so lucrative to want to hide your personality in lieu of never getting a job.

Personally aside from health insurance, I'm not all that worried about it. In fact, I am quite happy with where I am at in my current state.

I am unashamed of the fact that on occasion I like to go out have a good safe drunken time with my friends. And I do not believe I should be judged professionally on what I do in my personal life.

Before recently I had set no privacy settings, and basically allowed anyone to see everything.

So where do you draw the line.

When at least 40% of employers check social media before hiring an applicant, can you afford to be open and frank with the images and content you put out there?

Perhaps I should just hold out for that other 60%.

Who knows.

This is what I do know.

Today a little girl came up to me in the stairwell and said politely and composedly, "Excuse me, can you tell me how to get downstairs?"

I had to skip a beat, fight the smart ass within me and resist the urge to mention the obvious. Well you see this gradated inclining structure on which you currently stand? Well what you do is you put one foot in front of the other on each respective step descending until you reach the first floor...

In her defense I think she was just confused about what doors to use to exit.

Being the nice person that I am, I engaged her in as much conversation as I could possibly muster(I don't converse well with those under the age of 18) and led her to her intended destination.

I remember what it was like to be a 9 year old girl. I was probably as clueless as she was, except the only difference: I never asked for help. Kudos for being resourceful.

I've decided not to worry about being declined for hire from prospective employers. I'm not sure I want to work for a place that will judge you because you like to have a good time.

Duck Duck Kid

I took this photo of some kid in the park I don't know. I hope that doesn't make me creepy. New Orleans, Audubon Park.


~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Its three in the morning and I cant sleep because I have internet access. I think I have a problem. Thanks a lot, hulu.

Happy end of midterm week!

I Don't Wanna Be Anything Other Than Me

Fifteen years ago very few people had internet in their homes. Ten years ago most people used a phone call to make plans and wrote letters to stay in touch. Five years ago Facebook barely existed. A year ago no one had even heard of Twitter.

Today social media avenues are some of the main channels of marketing for many organizations. And it is surprising how far we have come on that front and exciting to see where things are headed. But these web applications do raise a few concerns brought to light by living in the age of information.

Privacy. Openness. How much is too much?

Balancing the personal and professional in the workplace, school-place, and anyplace is hard enough, let alone managing your identity online.

I mean, in effect, isn't that all social media really is? Constructing identity through means that are ironically not really all that sociable. Maybe that's why I like it so much. I would say introverts have probably benefited the most from online socialization....next to maybe all the sexual deviants out there.

Socializing in its truest form is really just making up an identity. Establishing labels to pigeonhole and stereotype others' identities (remember human beings do not really like to think). And trying to understand human motivations, behaviors.

Because no one person is the same from one day to the next, it is impossible to really know someone. We are constantly learning, constantly growing, constantly evolving into better versions of ourselves (sometimes worse). Look back three years ago, most of us have changed drastically. Look back three weeks ago. Its subtle, but the change is there.

Personality is really just the sum of thoughts and feelings generated throughout a span of a lifetime. Identity changes with every new thought developed.

When I first started using facebook in the Fall of 2004, there were no such thing as privacy settings, nothing cool like status updates and visual bookshelves, and nothing crazy like demographically targeted advertising.

Facebook has not only grown in functionality, it has also grown in users. And therein lies the problem. When your own mother is your facebook friend, you get a little more cautious of the content you send out.

Today a lot of talk is generated about prospective employers checking the page of an applicant and turning her down because of her wild bar pictures or because she is affiliated with the democratic political party. A lot of people in the public light worry about portraying themselves and the companies for which they work in a negative light by the content of their social media updates. Administrators take down comments, employees are afraid to speak their mind in the event that big brother is watching and their job could be in jeopardy.

To these people, I say: relax!

It is hard not to see the parallel between the virtual world and the real world. How much of who you are is it appropriate to divulge to an employer, a coworker, an aquaintance, a close friend, a first date, a significant other. But maybe we could stand to learn something from the online social networking community.

Would it not be easier to communicate if we were all just a bit more open with one another? The world would be richer and more navigable if we knew who everyone was, their true dispositions and values, rather than allowing ourselves to hide behind corporate identites, or worse, personal branding. Personal branding savors strongly of dishonesty in my opinion.

I know it is a naiive outlook, but wouldn't it be nice if you could get people to like you for who you are not for what you hide about yourself. To want to hire you because you are a democrat who likes to play guitar poorly and watch nerdy scifi shows-- someone who occasionally likes to go out and legally have a good drunken time and on sometimes brings along a camera.

On a side note, wouldn't it also be wonderful if we could skip all that awkward boring small talk where you really learn nothing about the other individual and dive right into the meaningful conversation about real interests subjects of substance?

To those who worry about an employer turning you down for a job because of content on your facebook, I say: its probably not a good fit in that case, find another job.

To those who worry about their public persona...I say, in order to have a persona, you must be a person. You cannot please everyone, so why worry?

To those that work for corporations and must watch what they say, I say to those corporations: relax! Chances are the public doesn't give a hoot anyways. Its probably just as likely that you would gain an audience or customer base due to a controversial comment as you would lose.

To those admins that remove comments, I say bring back our first amendment right.

To those employees afraid to tell the truth, I say quit your job...its not worth the stress.

I'm not saying we shouldn't use judgment. I'm not even saying that I believe this issue is black and white. Will I be taking down my bar photos when it comes time for me to apply for real people jobs? Probably. Will I be establishing privacy settings to keep some content on the DL? Its possible.

The way the world operates makes PR a necessity and personal branding ideal.

If the world was perfect, we would not have to worry about the things we say and honesty would lead to an overall general sense of connectedness among the human race and world peace would reign once and for all.

And if the world was perfect our differences would make us unique people strengthened by diversity rather than torn apart by hatred.

All I know is that my momma always told me: "Be yourself and you will have nothing to worry about." She's a pretty wise lady, so I think I will stick to her advice and do my thing.

Jackpot.

My Graduation Wish List:

a imac computer fully loaded with cs4
macro lense for my nikon
flat screen tv
plane ticket to europe
lasik vision correction surgery
nintendo wii/wii fit
xbox360 w/ halo3
cable and internet
health insurance
a job
blue ray player
shampoo
cosmetic surgery
a Segway...not really
gold-plated roller skates
life time supply of cheese
an elliptical trainer
laser hair removal
$1 million dollar itunes gift card
a prius
maid service to clean my aprment
a vacuum cleaner so i could do it myself
a mouse without a track ball
a yoga mat without dirty feet marks
a book shelf to hold all the books on my floor
an apartment big enough to hold said book shelf
a pedicure
a coffee bean tree
iPhone
text messaging....maybe not.
subscription to flickr or other photo storage site
the single portion coffee maker my sister has
...the offspring my sister has...
Bright red hair
a tadpole
the lint from your pocket
golfin partner and greens fee
personal trainer
a puppy
a date
honey nut cheerios
neon yellow chopsticks
sunshine
the opposite of recession
a rollercoaster named after me
a dolphin fluent in chinese
Scandinavian scooby-doo toe socks
Grande mocha frappachino
painting skills
unlimited lifetime gas money
a piano
shopping spree for clothes
a rose garden
Luke Wilson
a piano key necktie
dairy queen ice cream cake
Systane eye drops
a Hot tub

Banana White

Sometimes I listen to classical piano. If I could be half as inspired as Fredric Chopin of Mr Beethoven I would be…well I’d be a half way decent composer.

I’ve always wanted to be exceedingly proficient at the piano.

I can sight read. Poorly. Thanks, grade school piano lessons.

I was eight when my sister told me our piano teacher, Mrs White was related to Vanna. I totally bought it. Like the time I stopped eating bananas because she said if you eat the stringy things, banana trees will start growing in your stomach. To my credit, I was considerably younger than eight when the banana debacle took place. Eventually, I learned not to believe everything I was told. It only took me two years to figure out why my siblings kept telling me gullible was not in the dictionary when clearly it was.

Sometimes I listen to classical piano. I like to think its because it inspires me. Not because I’m a pretentious asshole.

Pandemic - dem= panic. Coincidence? I think SO.

I wish they would have thought up a sweeter name for this particular pandemic. I mean, nothing beats BUBONIC plague..but seriously swine flu? Come on.

And he huffed and puffed and this little piggy went wee wee all the way home.

When pigs fly?

It’s all fun and games until you feel a tickle in your throat and your lungs fill up with phlegm.

Personal branding…what ever happened to “be yourself and they will love you”?

I guess mom lied when she said you have nothing to worry about.

And that’s more unforgivable than banana trees and Vanna White.