Being couple-less on new years might just be the worst holiday to be a single. Even valentines day you can pretend to be hateful to red and pink and chocolate. Who likes flowers anyway? They just end up dead--like your terrible relationship.

Its really quite annoying when everyone you know is not single and you just want to have some fun on new years. Boo. Hiss.

I rather enjoy being single. And I don't understand why everyone else feels the need to couple off. Ew. Stop it, folks.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I can honestly say that the high from a good yoga session may in fact be the best feeling in the world. I've never tried heroine, so I'm not exactly sure. But I'm sure its up there with all the illicit drugs.

My arms feel like rubber. And that is why we should not take breaks from physical activity.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Winter is too cold. Summer too hot. What is a girl to do, but move far far away to a more temperate to mildly tropical climate. Or just pollute the world a bit more and catalyze that global warming crisis that is rumored to be going on. That might turn up the heat in the winter...as for summer, I guess I could invent the never melting ice jacket...or just stay unemployed so i can lay in the pool all day every day.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I started watching Glee. And it reminds me of everyone I knew in high school. Only they can sing better on the show.

Its awfully wonderful having internet access on your own computer again. I foresee a lot of great time-wasting activities will ensue. Such as what currently transpires.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I need to go buy tights....never thought that after I was 8 years old I would ever have to wear tights again...

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Here is a picture to remind us of summer:

Jump, maverick, jump maverick jump...

Donna says relax.

The following is an excerpt from an ebay exchange:

Hi there. Thanks for you kind reply. I will send her back by US parcel
post tomorrow and it should take a week or so because of the holidays.
Trust your Thanksgiving will be a wonderful occasion as we remember and
thank the Lord for His bountiful blessings. Sounds like you are working
too hard. Take care of yourself and take time to smell the roses. God
bless you. Thanks again. Donna

Restoring my faith in the ebay community after a shitty day of customer service and broken camera. Why are the god-loving people always the nicest ones?

Football, Faith, Facebook. Fear, Follies and Freaking Out.

I dont know if you had heard, but me and football had a falling out. I have devoted myself to a much nobler cause: shoe shopping. Now thats something that deserves my most reverent respect.

To me, Ohio State football is like being jewish on christmas. Being inundated with spirited festivites, and I just do not believe in the fundamental tenets.

If I don't believe in football, why should I have to walk down the street being heckled with an O-H, be forced to take a detour getting back to my home on campus, and be a party to the grocery store cheers as tedd whatshisname throws a touchdown. I mean, I don't shove a menorah up your ass and make you say mazel tov. ....I'm also not jewish so i dont know if that metaphor works...or perhaps is borderline antisemitic...

So in conclusion....if I don't believe in santa, I'm not a small child, if I don't believe in god I'm simply a minority , and if I live in columbus and don't believe in ohio state football, I'm completely mental.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am convinced that social media becky is a much better version than the real thing. This is why parents should not allow their children to get a facebook account until they are 30. They turn out socially retarded and incapable of face to face interaction. ...I need a drink.

With the advent of the tv there were concerns that it would turn ones brain to mush. Now that people use facebook more than they talk face to face....do you think there will come a day when ALL communication is via text messaging? We live in an age of terse and impersonal amusing one liners that present only our best sides. .....at least, thats what oprah says.

One day we will be like the people on WallE who just talked solely through their technology. And as an awkward spastic socially anxious person, I don't know if I am totally opposed to that.

Back in the days when women were subservient to men, there were rules of courtship to which one was to strictly adhere. Pick up, buy things, kiss good night, get to know, wed, babies, old age, death. It was simple.

The rules of engagement have changed.

Are we equals now? Does 'come over and hang out' really mean, lets go hump like bunnies? Do people get to know eachother anymore? Should he still buy you things? Should you treat him to some adult beverages? Because he buys you things do you owe him a lap dance?

I watched the worst movie I have ever sat through ever in my entire life last night. It was called south pacific and because it was a musical I thought it would be tolerable to quite agreeable. But it was atrocious. Because he was french and old she liked him, because she was not polynesian he liked her. He killed a man, she was okay with it. He had had a 'colored' wife who mothered his two children, she ran away. Moral of the story: its okay to kill people if he was being 'a bully' andyou have a dreadful french accent, but if you marry someone who doesn't have skinny white legs and curly blonde hair, then we have a problem.

Prejudice is something that is taught. Fear is something that is ubiquitous. Do you think we will have gender roles in 100 years? 200? All this talk about equality and we have come a long way. But women still want to be taken care of, and white men still have the power.

Even in occupation, humans are not reagarded as equals. Doctors are regarded in high esteem, photographers or worse house keeping are regarded as the dregs of society. Respect is something that should be bestowed on all human life until they prove that they do not deserve it because they are hateful and petty....or maybe it is all human life. period.

I dont know the answers. I just see the problems.

~~~~~~

Remember in third grade when it was exciting because this was the first year you would be assigned homework! And then you get to school and the first day they give you nothing. And that whole week you wait because you are so excited to be growing up and getting things like real assignments. And what's all they give you that first week: cover your books. And you feel gipped. Because covering ones books teaches you nothing.

But really. Thats the most practical lesson you got all year. No one uses long division, they just grab a calculator. If you wanted to know the specific date the vikings landed in north america, you would just google it. When you reach adulthood, no one dots their i's and crosses their t's with the proper cursive/script techniques, you are just lucky if its legible.

But covering your books: that teaches responsibility.

We all forget the knowledge we obtained in our youth. And so do we forget the lessons in joy. Snow days: taking time off to appreciate mother nature. Friendships: I make time for you because I want to, not because i feel obligated, or worse because I need a favor. Politics: what are those? Love: I love my mommy, daddy, my siblings, and my golden retreiver and that is all i need.

Life is so complex and we ought to simplify.

Our life is frittered away by detail... Simplify, simplify, simplify! ... Simplicity of life and elevation of purpose.

One must decide what is necessary to freak out about: usually it is nothing. Choices. Responsibilties. Whats important? Its not feeling this uptight and crazy over a stupid job.

~~~~~~~~~

Dating is supposed to be fun. You are supposed to want to see him. Spend time, get to know, etc. To me, its nervewracking and painful. To me its akin to climbing to the top of the highest building and being told to balance on a railing several thousand stories in the air. And you have to fight to hold your balance. He asks you out, you waver. He takes you to dinner, you stumble. At the end of the night he makes his move, hang on tight its a long way down. And then every word you speak or every decision you make is like a step and scoot on that railing you take to regain your balance. But not all words are coherent and not all decisions prudent. And so sometimes you stumble a little, or worse fall completely off. And then you die.

~~~~~~

Really, thats pretty much how I feel in most social interactions. I guess thats what I get for being born human. Flawed and freaking crazy.

My dog doesn't worry about saying the wrong thing at a party: he can't speak. My fish doesn't care if his scales dont match his eyes, hes alone in a bowl with only me to judge. My dead cat used to freak out a lot...but it was only when I came within arms length of her.

Animals fear when it is appropriate.

Humans have developed inappropriate fear. Fear of change. Fear of the unknown. Fear of people of different race, background or culture. Fear of large spaces. Tight spaces. Spiders. Fear of social interaction.

There is chemical fear and there is logical fear. And my logical fear is that someone will pull a gun on me and I will feel no fear at all because my fear neurons are broken or maxed out from fearing stupid things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wonder what they call the fear of people who fear spiders? Arachnaphobiaphobia?

They Shoot Becky's, Don't They?

Dear Diary,

Today I felt the true wrath of Satan as I waited for admittance into the seventh layer of hell. All around me the people were clammy with sweat, as they stood for hours on the hard concrete in a tortuous winding queue. Bones creaked as the people inched their way forward at a rate no faster than a physically handicapped snail crawling backwards on a conveyor belt. Demon spawn everywhere were up to no good. Screaming, running, terrorizing. Everywhere the midget hellions spread their bedlam and confusion among the masses as we stood there waiting like cattle on their way to the slaughter. High decibel voices pierced the air as parents attempted to buy off their progeny with storybooks, French fries, and threats to make him wear his puke-stained shirt for the duration of the evening should his woeful tantrum stimulate his gagging reflect. Moms chasing teetering infants through the snaking orange pylons and yellow crime scene tape, I admittedly watched several fall flat on their faces with no regard for their well-being. Kids are resilient, evil fiends are immortal. Attempting a bit of light reading amidst the din of hellfire, the hours ticked by and I inevitably came to the conclusion that the most boring book in the world could get no drearier.

It got drearier. My ipod died. The satellite child spinning around his father bumped into me for the 42nd time. I persevered. I inched forward some more. I reached the curtain. The triage area. The nurse. She shot me. Inoculation administered. Freedom at last.

And then I sprinted into oncoming traffic crossing the street and nearly collided with a semi on the on-ramp. Perhaps I was being careless, perhaps I was just tempted to see if hell really is as bad as were the preceding three hours.

Time will tell.

Cut it Out

I stare blankly through unfocused eyes as the babbling vacuous chatter washes unpleasantly over me. I am drowning in a sea of another’s misguided self-importance, suffocating in the violent throes of frivolity as one dim-witted anecdote collapses into the next chronicle of the inconsequential. So, you grew up in Cowtownville, well congratulations. So, mom and pop were supportive of your dream to become a hair stylist, how delightful. You have adorable friends who throw super cool Halloween parties with ironic themes, please wait while I phone the Times.

This is exactly why it takes me several months to drag myself back to the salon. I prefer to let my ends split and to flirt with unibomber status locks just so I am not forced to pay to sit and listen to some absurd lady detail how her boyfriend once challenged her to a hair growing contest and won.

And as the latest inane story lapses into another transitory hush, I am given to hope that maybe this time the quiet will remain. Perhaps she is not as dense as she seems and has learned that silence is not only golden, but also favored. Yet not even before my forced polite smile fades back to a grimace, another cacophony ransacks my eardrums.

As if the fleshed-out autobiography was not enough, she hits me with the third degree interrogation. What do you do, where do you live, did you grow up here, are you doing anything today, any big parties this weekend you are attending. On and on and on.

Listen, if I wanted to talk about my job, my background, or my social life with a complete stranger, I would get a therapist. If I wanted companionship, I would get a dog. I do not ask you questions about your pointless existence. Take a hint, don’t ask me about mine.

I am here for expressly one purpose and one purpose alone: for you to render a service. Wait what’s that? You are telling me that cows were literally wandering around in the supermarket parking lot in the town where you grew up… No. Freaking. Way.

Hey lady, please just shut up and cut my hair!!!

For rent: Intellectual property.

Feeling a little hungry for some creativity but haven't the cleverness yourself nor the fortitude to plagiarize? For rent: Intellectual property.

This lush plot of neurological space offers a wealth of diversity and unique architecture that is unlike anything offered on the market today. It sits comfortably along a vast channel of picturesque tissue which can only be described as progressively imaginative, yet stylishly refined. And this property stands out above all the rest. Adorned with ornamental scenery and eclectic charm, it provides a view that stuns in an area that is coveted above all the rest. My brain. Because you know what they say about location.

The thing about being delirious...

Things I miss about 2004...

Senior slide. Finding Nemo. Hopes and dreams. Atkins diet. The WB. Paris, France. Coin operated laundry. Florida sunshine. Naiivete. The Ellen D Show. My spry youthful body. Excelling academically. Contact lenses. A future. Palm trees. 99 Bananas. Novelty. Innocence. Obsession. Stargate. Science Channel. Chicken Salad Sandwiches. Boxing classes. The people. The places. The pop culture.

Things I will miss about 2009...

...

...

... provolone cheese.

No, seriously that's all I can come up with. And its not like I really love provolone cheese. I mean, don't get me wrong, as far as cheeses go, it ranks right up there with mozzarella and brie--certainly far outperforms the biting displeasure of bleu cheese crumbles, whose appeal frankly baffles me. But let's face it, I could live without provolone cheese. It would be rough, but I could do it.

Although I cannot conceivably envision a world in which said dairy product does not exist. Unless all of the cows get sick with an epidemic of bovine flu thereby rendering their milk disease-ridden and unsuitable for our provolone processing needs. In which case...

Honey Nut Cheerios as well, for I will have no milk to counterpart.

I guess you just never really know what you will miss until it is no longer with you. To bust out the total cliche and not sound like debbie downer with my lack of things to appreciate in the year 2009.



Today I became convinced for probably the 82nd time in my life that I was actually dying. Don't worry friends, I feel a lot better now, but I had totally persuaded myself to think that I had some rare congenital heart disease or a brain tumor or viral infection of some sort that would finally do me in.

I'm still alive. For those still wondering.

Who knows why my brain functions how it does. Or any brain for that matter.

How do we really know that our entire being is not the product of someone's schitzophrenic delusion? Perhaps I am merely just the voice in some crazy lady's head. Just something to chew on.

What is a color.

Do babies cry because they are bored?

If you strapped a cat to a buttered piece of bread would it land on its feet or the buttered side of the bread. Why does bread always land buttered side up?!

If you know the outcome of a story does that make it less enjoyable? We know that eventually Little Foot and Sarah are going to die, their progeny will die and their species become extinct. Yet it still remains an uplifting children's tale of hope and achieving your dreams. Even though in the end, we are all dead. I guess what I am trying to say is that there is something beautiful in the way we die.

If you were born with three eyes would it make you a better painter?

If prisoners were allowed to date... do you think they would use eharmony?

Would you rather be an anxious agoraphobic afraid to do anything out of your comfort zone, or an ugly unicorn with a bad bedside manner.

On growing up: it happens.

I used to be a baby. Now I am only young. Tomorrow I will be mature. And then I will be thirty.

I feel like thirty is about the time when things start to make sense. Correct me if I am wrong, I have not now nor have I ever been in my thirties. But I do have a good feeling about that age.

How annoying would it have been to live in an era before the advent of tampons.

On spirituality: when people describe themselves as a particular faith -- Catholic, Hindi, Jewish-- do they say it these days as if they were describing a specific set of ideals or merely as one would describe their heritage--Irish, Indian, Uzbekistanian etc.

I am afraid of cancer.

Also afraid of hyenas.

When will they make a sequel to snakes on a plane...snakes on a hot air balloon has some potential methinks.


If I were president I would make a stimulus package that funded solely(pun unintended) shoe shopping.

And then create National Limerick Day, wherein citizens could only speak in limericks.


I like the idea of snickers, hot fudge, licorice sushi. Oreo sashimi?

Plagiarism = theft of intellectual property. To whom does intellect belong? Are any thoughts truly original?

If there was no daytime, would we be as scared to walk to our car in an abandoned parking garage?

If time flies, where does it go? Is there a time port where it must dock and deplane?

Esoteric is one of my favorite words.

Syndicated hermitage.

Ive seen this one before.

Ups and downs. Swing and a miss.

What exactly does it mean to be out of a loop. From where exactly did this symbolism derive?

How close is too close.

Falling down the rabbit hole.

Check the lost and found. Look under the bed. Is that my sanity?

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket.

Metaphysics. The science of being.

Pathetiphysics. The science of being lonely.

Dreams. Desires. Aspirations.

Aspiration. To breathe your own vomit.

I'm not a skillful water carrier.

And though I ask for help in riddles. It is clearer in my mind.

Where have all the awesome jobs for recent college grads gone?

I wish I could undo all the binge drinking and laziness that allowed my brain to atrophy and die

Once upon a time I was going somewhere.

NOwadays I'm too tired and don't have enough time to learn things. To read intellectual things. To do something creative.

I'm too busy working for not enough money.

I hate my lack of full time job. I hate my leaky ass apartment.

Routine kind of sucks sometimes.

And I still dont have the internet. Or text messaging. And ten years ago that would have been normal.

I think all this connectedness is going to backfire on us soon. Mark my words.

And every day babies keep being born. Wars are fought. And people die of heart disease and cancer.

And nothing really changes. Except technology. Which will eventually take over the world.

Friendships are formed and then forgotten. Family is forged and then resented. Love is all around. And just barely does it overshadow all the hate.

Everyone is getting married. And we are all so young. BUt really....we're all adults now. And its hard to accept.

Grandparents still hang on with awkward shadows looming. We try not to talk about it.

Living life to the fullest is hard to imagine. If I lived life to the fullest every day I would never go to work.

Appreciate what you have for however long you have it. Everything happens as it is meant to happen. Predestination from the big bang to each calculated decision. Who needs a pro con list when everything is destiny.

Who is pulling all the strings?

What or how might be more appropriate phrasings.

My wit has taken recess and grabbed my intellect and ambition to tag along. Who needs something prestigious when you can earn a modest living and slide under the radar. I just want my very own internet service provider.

THats just thirty bucks a month.
Aim small, miss small.

Camping out in the UV lab only works until 10pm when you have to go back to the mildew and attempt to sleep without developing pneumonia.

What is the point of having a blog if you dont have a kid to brag about and post pictures of?

I guess you have to just boast of your own accomplishments and achievements and new acquistions of knowledges. Here goes.

The other day I learned what a cowduck says.
My favorite new word is minutiae.
Yesterday I learned what a water main does.
On September the 8th I turned 262 months old.
I don't really care for bathtime all that much. I mean I don't go kicking and screaming when my better judgement forces me to wash myself. But its not all happy playtime for me. I should probably invest in some floating lights and toy swimming fishes.
Last week I took my first steps...through the osu wetland park.
I'm not gonna lie, I dont really like elmo. Im more an oscar kind of girl. Clearly.
I can say my own name, but I'm not really sure these days whether I am called Becky or Rebekah.
I get cranky when I don't take naps.

For a 262 month old, thats a pretty fair list. But I cannot wait to see how much develops on into that 263rd month.



...but i have learned to carry love.

Plugged in.

I believe there is such a thing as being too Wired In.
I believe the nation is becoming a slave to technology.
I believe there is such a thing as being too connected.
I believe people could benefit from private reflection.

The mind makes a great slave but a lousy master, says the yogis.

Cannot the same be said of technology?

Although I managed to leave my phone at home, I have found it impossible to not check my email daily, my facebook bidaily, and even write this stupid blog. As if my words make a difference.

Vacation from what?

I guess I can take solace in the fact that the word facebook is still spell checked.

The world is obsessed. With social media. With text messaging. With communicating.

But does anyone really have anything of value to say?

Its bad enough that meaningful face to face communication is a rarity at best, but nowadays the world is constantly assaulting the internets with the mundane, the self-obsessed, and the downright ridiculous.

And we call it entertainment. We call it fun. We call it 'connecting'.

I call it primarily a waste of time. All of it. If you are not planning an outing with friends or reminding someone to take out the garbage there is really no use for such superfluous communications. Unless of course you are showing me the newest video of my adorable nephew.

I would hazard to say that 90% of technological communication is completely unneccessary.

But who am I to judge. If it were up to me, I would live alone in a cabin in the woods with no one to keep me company but my family and maybe a friend or two.

Maybe there is such a thing as being too anti-communication as well.

Anarchist at heart.

Job searching is not the most pleasing of pastimes.

I was looking over Ohio States suggestions for career finding and I came across a giant list of dos and donts for interviewing. Do: comb your hair; Don't: wear flip flops or open toed shoes. Do: wear something professional; Don't: wear the uniform of a street walker.

Things of that nature.....


Women
Do
- Traditional business attire means a conservative suit or dress.
- Skirts are traditionally knee-length. Skirts slightly shorter or longer are also
acceptable.
- Avoid blouses that have too tight of a fit, have low necklines, or reveal your
waistline. Typically, arms are covered from either the mid-bicep or wrist.
- Always wear hose to an interview, even in humid weather. Wear plain-style,
non-patterned hosiery complimentary to your suit and shoe color. Carry an extra
pair in case of runs.
- If you wear makeup, keep it subtle. Keep foundation close to natural skin tone,
lipstick in a soft shade, no false lashes, subtle eye liner, natural toned eye shadow
and subtle blush.
- Keep fingernails at a conservative length and avoid brightly colored polish.
- Wear flat shoes or low pumps in neutral colors. Avoid shoes that hinder walking
quickly. No open-toed or backless shoes, as those styles are associated with
social settings.
- Consider removing visible body piercings and covering tattoos.
Don’t
- Purses should be conservative and inconspicuous.
- Avoid wearing jewelry and makeup that is too showy or distracting.
- Don’t wear more than one ring per hand. Remove ankle bracelets, etc.
- Avoid floral pints, brightly patterned blouses and flashy scarves.



Quite the extensive list.

And it bothers me. In order to succeed professionally you have to completely ignore who you are as an individual. When have I ever worn panty hose?

Does getting full time employment mean you must conform to baseless standards of "professionalism".

I want to work for a company that values individualism and wants to hire me because of the fun and casual non-business suit image I project. But I lament to think those companies do not exist.

So must I don the panty hose, knee length tweed, and kitten heels. Remove the piercings, dark eyeliner, black nail polish and change the color of my hair from dark red to mousy brown. Purchase a handbag that does not look like it came from the sales rack at target.

And its not just attire. This extends to one's entire demeanor from interview to job duties. One is expected to answer interview questions with the perfunctory self-promoting replies that frame you in the best light and once you obtain your job by effectively being dishonest and manipulative you are expected to act a certain way that can often go against instinctual proclivities. Customer Service: kiss peoples' asses. Sales: lie coerce manipulate.

Can you still be yourself and fit into the post secondary education career world?

I guess I just don't do well with rules and guidelines.

Yes I Do Exist and This is What I Have to Say

As outcasts, we are conditioned to believe there is something intrinsically wrong with us. Ostracized by the blind conformity society entails, we go about life never quite a part of the whole, on the outside looking in. And we are told we are weird. Crazy. Creepy. And an abundance of other seemingly innocuous adjectives used to differentiate us from the crowds of conventionality.

Are these herds of sheep simply oblivious to their blind acquiescence to ordinary? Or is it a conscious choice born of the desire to associate. To not be alone in their loneliness. And which is worse? To be too boring to have a real personality and real interests outside of the normal…or to choose to subdue that which makes an individual unique and interesting in favor of fitting in.

And what is the nature of society but to bring the many together for a common purpose. The more sameness involved, the more cohesive the society. This is why we humans instinctively fear people who are different from us. This is why there is racism, ethnocentrism, bigotry and hatred. Human society functions best when there is no variation, no idiosyncratic differences from one individual to the next.

We have evolved into a socially driven species. Not long ago, courtship was guided by social class and in many respects it still is. We associate only with those with whom we feel comfortable. We are comfortable with those who share the same beliefs, the same background, the same language, the same work ethic, the same thoughts and ideas. Common ground.

If you are unable to communicate, do you really exist? If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, did it make a sound?

I guess what I am trying to say is…is existence driven by human relationships? And if so, what does that say about those who prefer to spend their time alone.

And we are all so desperate to be heard. Nowadays you are surprised to meet someone who does not have an online social media outlet to proudly declare that, “yes, I do exist and this is what I have to say.” And so often it is nonsense. Nothing of consequence. And so often its all the same. Does anyone have original thoughts? Is anything really original?

And what is a thought but an electrical impulse in the brain. And what does that mean. That humanity is nothing more than a complex arrangement of biochemistry. That the human mind is nothing more than neurological signals that get interpreted as thoughts, ideas, feelings, emotions, language, art, music…

And meanwhile the truth stares us all in the face: there is no meaning in life. A random arrangement of chemicals, atoms, electrons, energies. We are both too simple to understand the how and too naive to recognize that there is no why.

Or is it the other way around? Too naïve to think we can grasp the how and to simple to understand the why…









And upon reading this over I realize that very little of it makes sense....but I'm gonna post it anyway.

Tinkling keys.

7.7.09

Clare de lune, debussy is my new favorite.

Sometimes I listen to classical piano. I like to picture what it would be like to have been alive back in the day these pieces of music were written. A time of relative ease. Peace. When wars were fought with muskets instead of tanks, automatic weapons, and suicide bombs. Where people spent their time socializing in the town market and not on their iphones. When only a fraction of the 6.8 billion human lives today crowded the earth. Who were these souls and did they really differ that much from the people we see today.

Has technology really advanced civilization or doomed us to our own destruction. So many people. To what end.

I have been having difficulty finding beauty in the world. Too much negativity. And I need to get away from it all and rediscover the beauty that was once so obvious to me.

Beauty in a piano concerto. Beauty in a blissful sunset. Beauty in the scent of a blooming rosebush. Beauty in the bitter taste of salt water amidst the crashing waves on a craggy beach. Beauty in a well told story of fiction. An inspirationally well-made film. Beauty that brings you to tears.

Routine has gotten the better of me. And I’ve been made to feel ashamed of my life choices far too much as of recent. The things we must endure for the comforts of familiarity. It is hard to break free from the confines of that which engendered your being. Do people ever really change? Or is it just a change for the worse?

When you meet someone for the first time, do you ever really stop being that same person to them? Everyone has a role they instinctively play. Is it human nature, the wiring of our brain? Something we have done since birth and thus will never truly feel comfortable being anything else.

I often get sad because the world is increasingly not as glorious as my youthful imagination pictured it to be. Full of possibilities and opportunities for happy occasions. But nothing ever really lasts. And I think that is the theme of life. Nothing lasts. Is that why relationships are so scary? Because you know that no matter how happy you get to be, it will not be forever. Eventually something will come along and knock you down a few notches. Eventually you will experience as much pain as you did pleasure.

They say cherish each day as if it were your last. Because nothing ever lasts. Have we all made the best of that advice? I know I am guilty of failing on said account.

Was life easier back in the days of Debussy and chopin? Or is it true that people never really change. Despite generations past…humans really are probably very much the same. Selfish, hateful, and yet capable of some of the most charitable and loving acts imaginable. Enigmatic is the human condition. I still have yet to unlock the mystery that is human behaviour. And they say the theme is love and not loss. But maybe they are one in the same.

Cattle Herding.

Apparently it takes more than a college education to know how to line up in consecutive order in a timely manner. I no longer wonder why graduation rehearsal exists. Waste of time if you have skills at counting, but for those graduates that have trouble (and believe me there were several), well worth the trip.

I've been walking around campus for the past couple days thinking to myself, this is the last time I will ever do certain things. The last time I will ever use a mac in the design lab. The last time I will ever walk up the journalism building's steps to the third floor. The last time I will walk across the oval as an undergrad. The last time I will take a crap in the Science and Engineering Library's bathroom.

Let the nostalgia set in.

World's Biggest Goof

My how unrealistic the movie independence day really is. How on earth is Jeff Goldblum smart enough to integrate a 1990s computer software virus with alien technology? Unbelievable. Unless you are 10 years old.

I will never understand skinny jeans.

What is it about springtime that incites couples everywhere to break out in public displays of affection? Are they just too cold to act like teenagers in the fall and winter?

Once upon a time there was a girl who ate too much porridge. She fell asleep and was mauled by a family of bears. Tragic.

Some days I want to shoot not babies.

Sometimes I stay up until 4 am. Unwise.

Life is like a box of chocolates. I wish I could get rid of the coconuts. I don't know how that applies to life but I really want a chocolate covered caramel now.

In a few days I will be a college graduate. Am I supposed to feel proud? Accomplished? Fulfilled? I don't think I feel any of those things. I was always supposed to do something like this. I would be more proud of myself if I had gone against the grain and done something original.

Originality. Its what many of us seek. Everyone wants to be exceptional. Most of us are nothing but ordinary. And really we're all the same. But deep down we all want to be rock stars. Immortality through originality. Forever famous in the eyes of history.

Art. Ideas. Words. Work. Babies. How do you seek eternal eternity?

Personally, I am going to create the worlds biggest ice cream cone and inadvertently solve global climate change here on earth. Mark. My. Words.

Call me Dork, but I just looked it up. "The Guiness Book of World Records setting ice cream scoop consisted of 28,000 scoops of strawberry ice cream that weighed 7,800 pounds." World's Biggest Ice Cream Scoop

Someone already beat me to it. :( Although I thought to add the cone...points of originality?? No, not so much? Drat.

So much for solving global warming.

If global warming gets too bad you've gotta wonder what will be the next cockroach...you know, besides the cockroach. I think the Canada Goose has some forthcoming longevity in the cards. They will they become the alpha species. Enslaving man to do their goose bidding.

Just think about it.

And that is why we ought to recycle. And accelerate near ponds.

No...but seriously.


Originality. Ingenuity. Creativity.

I resolve to never attach a photo to this site that I have not taken or created myself. I nearly integrated a photo of a mountain of ice cream. But I have instated a new rule....although I do not think I have heretofore broken said rule...but future reference we have.

I digress. I get off topic. I redundantly repeat myself. And reiterate.

Originality. That is the desire. At least it is mine. And since this is my world, that's all that matters. :P I would like to be creative forever. Or at least once. Like real good. Solid creative. Creative that matters. One time. And then pretend to be creative for the rest of my goose enslaved life.

Why would you want a giant ice cream cone? Who could possibly eat all that ice cream before it melted away?! Gawd that's such a waste!

So sticky. Would need to create the world's largest napkin just to keep the universe in order.

......

Would life be easier if I had four arms, two legs and a tail? Just wondering.

I'm awfully goofy after 4am.

Resistance is Futile.

A Champagne Supernova In the Sky

Its recently occurred to me that anxiety killers make me a lot less broody, pessimistic and depressed, but also a lot less intelligent because I do not obsessively think about the world.

It used to be that I blogged because I had so many thoughts running through my head. Now I am lucky to find thoughts amidst all the business and anxiety reduction pills.

Sadly in order to function properly, I need drugs.

Here are some slightly depressing yet thoughtful excerpts from Becky minus SSRIs.



~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Thursday, April 16, 2009

People are preoccupied with appearance. Aesthetic outward beauty. Yes. I believe its natural. That's why the man peacock is colorful. Because he is beautiful and that signifies he would make good healthy peacock babies. Are we as humans supposed to transcend the laws of nature?

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Friday, March 06, 2009

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore

How many of us really have ended up where we had hoped we would be at our age. Maybe goals change. Maybe you change. Or maybe you give up on goals that seem too lofty.

The prefrontal cortex controls inhibition. Those with a large prefrontal cortex are said to have stronger inhibitory controls. Those who have damaged that part of the brain are often 100% spontaneous. I read an article that recommends ways to improve and develop that part of your brain to give you stronger inhibitory control.

But personally I need advice as to how to do the opposite.

Your decision making capabilities are well below par when you overthink everything.

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote

Today I went to the park of roses and it is completely gutted, brown, desolate, dry and dead. Every hue holds the same value of ugly and mucky. I brought my camera but there was nothing aesthetic about the place. But in its own way....it was beautiful. Kind of like a blank slate. Tabula rasa.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Thursday, March 05, 2009

The cadence of consonants, structurally sound, acute alliterative attention, modifiers modifying les mots de la langue.

There is debate as to whether the art of writing can be taught. Either you are born a writer with the love of language, or you are born as simple-minded as most human beings who dangle their participles and misplace their modifiers. There are only so many Nietzches, Rembrandts, Einsteins, and Beethovens, just as are there only so many Hemmingways. To aspire to greatness is to assure one's own inevitable failure. The literary, poetic, prose writers of the past become immortalized through their genius, ghostly syllables living on in the stark contrast of black on white. Academia worships you, you are the gods of fiction, the kings of prose.

Plot. Structure. Subtext.

What does minutiae even mean?

minutiae: n. precise details; small or trifling matters


Once upon a time, I began to exist.

Anniversaries are a completely arbitrary concept, as if the passage of one full year actually means anything. 23 years ago, I emerged into a world of hate, suffering, hope, a planet so rife with troubles, a people so in denial of its own flawed nature. 23 years ago, I couldn't form a word. 22 years ago, I couldn't form a sentence. 10 years ago, I could form no original thoughts. Today, I can conjur no hope.

Are we really just primal beings controlled by our primitive impulses. Sex, hunger, pain.

The pleasure principle. Avoid pain, flock to pleasure. The only way our species is to survive is to have a lot of sex. Genetic variability. Apocalypse, please.


To contemplate the ills of society is to open oneself to the uncertainty that is the nature of the universe. Entropy rules the world, a choatic cacophony of instability. Probabilty in quantum mechanics, principles of uncertainty. Thanks, Heisenberg.

Mythology is a blanket of hope, a blindfold of fiction, the cocoon of freedom from intellectual curiousity. Interrogate the world amidst destruction, animosity, oppression, hypocrisy. Fire and brimstone here on earth, is this planet another world's hell? Ask the questions or swallow the answers.

Exploding star of the bubbly amber alcoholic beverage variety aloft in the heavens above.

Sometimes succinct is simply the best choice.
Someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide.

23 years ago, I began to exist. Will I exist in 23 more? Will I want to?

Mindlessness. The senseless masses. Perfunctory pleasantries, please proceed with passivity. The blindfold of reality descends to staunch creativity and condition conformity. Prepare to be assimilated. Resistance, as many of you well know, is futile.

Beliefs are stronger than facts. Faith is a pretty name for a girl, but as a concept lacks desirability. Constant criticism, questioning the questions. Accept nothing as certain in an uncertain world.

Neurological chemicals tell us when we are sad. Love is the limbic system telling us to procreate.

Once upon a time, I began to exist. The verb remains unerroneous. I exist, I will until I do no longer. After that, once can only hope for the best and keep cranking the handle of passion.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Gosh...I kind of miss being broody and pessimistic. It beats being vacuous and boring.

Sometimes I Do Cool Things With Illustrator.

Diego, March 2009
Created in May 2009 by Rebekah M Flory

That is love.

If an alcoholic is happy, do you try and change her self destructive behavior or do you just live and let live?

On the way home to the parent's house billboard reads: You're wife is HOT. Fix your air conditioner.

Its a beautiful day to be angry.

I'm headed to the hammock to read a book.

I should probably do some yoga too. Becky needs some stress-reduction.

People make me angry.

Is it too late to become a recluse?

I leave you with this:





That's love.

Sober people do funny things too.

As I go to untag questionable photos of me on facebook, I realize that all of the photos where I look like I am heavily inebriated, I am quite the opposite. And the few photos of me inebriated I look nice clean cut and cognizant.

I have too many pictures to filter everything. I give up.

Privacy settings it is.

People talk as if the ultimate goal is to get this great job in the corporate world many of my closet friends know as "hell". If money is all that you love then I guess I can see why its so lucrative to want to hide your personality in lieu of never getting a job.

Personally aside from health insurance, I'm not all that worried about it. In fact, I am quite happy with where I am at in my current state.

I am unashamed of the fact that on occasion I like to go out have a good safe drunken time with my friends. And I do not believe I should be judged professionally on what I do in my personal life.

Before recently I had set no privacy settings, and basically allowed anyone to see everything.

So where do you draw the line.

When at least 40% of employers check social media before hiring an applicant, can you afford to be open and frank with the images and content you put out there?

Perhaps I should just hold out for that other 60%.

Who knows.

This is what I do know.

Today a little girl came up to me in the stairwell and said politely and composedly, "Excuse me, can you tell me how to get downstairs?"

I had to skip a beat, fight the smart ass within me and resist the urge to mention the obvious. Well you see this gradated inclining structure on which you currently stand? Well what you do is you put one foot in front of the other on each respective step descending until you reach the first floor...

In her defense I think she was just confused about what doors to use to exit.

Being the nice person that I am, I engaged her in as much conversation as I could possibly muster(I don't converse well with those under the age of 18) and led her to her intended destination.

I remember what it was like to be a 9 year old girl. I was probably as clueless as she was, except the only difference: I never asked for help. Kudos for being resourceful.

I've decided not to worry about being declined for hire from prospective employers. I'm not sure I want to work for a place that will judge you because you like to have a good time.

Duck Duck Kid

I took this photo of some kid in the park I don't know. I hope that doesn't make me creepy. New Orleans, Audubon Park.


~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Its three in the morning and I cant sleep because I have internet access. I think I have a problem. Thanks a lot, hulu.

Happy end of midterm week!

I Don't Wanna Be Anything Other Than Me

Fifteen years ago very few people had internet in their homes. Ten years ago most people used a phone call to make plans and wrote letters to stay in touch. Five years ago Facebook barely existed. A year ago no one had even heard of Twitter.

Today social media avenues are some of the main channels of marketing for many organizations. And it is surprising how far we have come on that front and exciting to see where things are headed. But these web applications do raise a few concerns brought to light by living in the age of information.

Privacy. Openness. How much is too much?

Balancing the personal and professional in the workplace, school-place, and anyplace is hard enough, let alone managing your identity online.

I mean, in effect, isn't that all social media really is? Constructing identity through means that are ironically not really all that sociable. Maybe that's why I like it so much. I would say introverts have probably benefited the most from online socialization....next to maybe all the sexual deviants out there.

Socializing in its truest form is really just making up an identity. Establishing labels to pigeonhole and stereotype others' identities (remember human beings do not really like to think). And trying to understand human motivations, behaviors.

Because no one person is the same from one day to the next, it is impossible to really know someone. We are constantly learning, constantly growing, constantly evolving into better versions of ourselves (sometimes worse). Look back three years ago, most of us have changed drastically. Look back three weeks ago. Its subtle, but the change is there.

Personality is really just the sum of thoughts and feelings generated throughout a span of a lifetime. Identity changes with every new thought developed.

When I first started using facebook in the Fall of 2004, there were no such thing as privacy settings, nothing cool like status updates and visual bookshelves, and nothing crazy like demographically targeted advertising.

Facebook has not only grown in functionality, it has also grown in users. And therein lies the problem. When your own mother is your facebook friend, you get a little more cautious of the content you send out.

Today a lot of talk is generated about prospective employers checking the page of an applicant and turning her down because of her wild bar pictures or because she is affiliated with the democratic political party. A lot of people in the public light worry about portraying themselves and the companies for which they work in a negative light by the content of their social media updates. Administrators take down comments, employees are afraid to speak their mind in the event that big brother is watching and their job could be in jeopardy.

To these people, I say: relax!

It is hard not to see the parallel between the virtual world and the real world. How much of who you are is it appropriate to divulge to an employer, a coworker, an aquaintance, a close friend, a first date, a significant other. But maybe we could stand to learn something from the online social networking community.

Would it not be easier to communicate if we were all just a bit more open with one another? The world would be richer and more navigable if we knew who everyone was, their true dispositions and values, rather than allowing ourselves to hide behind corporate identites, or worse, personal branding. Personal branding savors strongly of dishonesty in my opinion.

I know it is a naiive outlook, but wouldn't it be nice if you could get people to like you for who you are not for what you hide about yourself. To want to hire you because you are a democrat who likes to play guitar poorly and watch nerdy scifi shows-- someone who occasionally likes to go out and legally have a good drunken time and on sometimes brings along a camera.

On a side note, wouldn't it also be wonderful if we could skip all that awkward boring small talk where you really learn nothing about the other individual and dive right into the meaningful conversation about real interests subjects of substance?

To those who worry about an employer turning you down for a job because of content on your facebook, I say: its probably not a good fit in that case, find another job.

To those who worry about their public persona...I say, in order to have a persona, you must be a person. You cannot please everyone, so why worry?

To those that work for corporations and must watch what they say, I say to those corporations: relax! Chances are the public doesn't give a hoot anyways. Its probably just as likely that you would gain an audience or customer base due to a controversial comment as you would lose.

To those admins that remove comments, I say bring back our first amendment right.

To those employees afraid to tell the truth, I say quit your job...its not worth the stress.

I'm not saying we shouldn't use judgment. I'm not even saying that I believe this issue is black and white. Will I be taking down my bar photos when it comes time for me to apply for real people jobs? Probably. Will I be establishing privacy settings to keep some content on the DL? Its possible.

The way the world operates makes PR a necessity and personal branding ideal.

If the world was perfect, we would not have to worry about the things we say and honesty would lead to an overall general sense of connectedness among the human race and world peace would reign once and for all.

And if the world was perfect our differences would make us unique people strengthened by diversity rather than torn apart by hatred.

All I know is that my momma always told me: "Be yourself and you will have nothing to worry about." She's a pretty wise lady, so I think I will stick to her advice and do my thing.

Jackpot.

My Graduation Wish List:

a imac computer fully loaded with cs4
macro lense for my nikon
flat screen tv
plane ticket to europe
lasik vision correction surgery
nintendo wii/wii fit
xbox360 w/ halo3
cable and internet
health insurance
a job
blue ray player
shampoo
cosmetic surgery
a Segway...not really
gold-plated roller skates
life time supply of cheese
an elliptical trainer
laser hair removal
$1 million dollar itunes gift card
a prius
maid service to clean my aprment
a vacuum cleaner so i could do it myself
a mouse without a track ball
a yoga mat without dirty feet marks
a book shelf to hold all the books on my floor
an apartment big enough to hold said book shelf
a pedicure
a coffee bean tree
iPhone
text messaging....maybe not.
subscription to flickr or other photo storage site
the single portion coffee maker my sister has
...the offspring my sister has...
Bright red hair
a tadpole
the lint from your pocket
golfin partner and greens fee
personal trainer
a puppy
a date
honey nut cheerios
neon yellow chopsticks
sunshine
the opposite of recession
a rollercoaster named after me
a dolphin fluent in chinese
Scandinavian scooby-doo toe socks
Grande mocha frappachino
painting skills
unlimited lifetime gas money
a piano
shopping spree for clothes
a rose garden
Luke Wilson
a piano key necktie
dairy queen ice cream cake
Systane eye drops
a Hot tub

Banana White

Sometimes I listen to classical piano. If I could be half as inspired as Fredric Chopin of Mr Beethoven I would be…well I’d be a half way decent composer.

I’ve always wanted to be exceedingly proficient at the piano.

I can sight read. Poorly. Thanks, grade school piano lessons.

I was eight when my sister told me our piano teacher, Mrs White was related to Vanna. I totally bought it. Like the time I stopped eating bananas because she said if you eat the stringy things, banana trees will start growing in your stomach. To my credit, I was considerably younger than eight when the banana debacle took place. Eventually, I learned not to believe everything I was told. It only took me two years to figure out why my siblings kept telling me gullible was not in the dictionary when clearly it was.

Sometimes I listen to classical piano. I like to think its because it inspires me. Not because I’m a pretentious asshole.

Pandemic - dem= panic. Coincidence? I think SO.

I wish they would have thought up a sweeter name for this particular pandemic. I mean, nothing beats BUBONIC plague..but seriously swine flu? Come on.

And he huffed and puffed and this little piggy went wee wee all the way home.

When pigs fly?

It’s all fun and games until you feel a tickle in your throat and your lungs fill up with phlegm.

Personal branding…what ever happened to “be yourself and they will love you”?

I guess mom lied when she said you have nothing to worry about.

And that’s more unforgivable than banana trees and Vanna White.

Lionemone.

This is what they teach me in skool for $3000/quarter.

My nephew, My photos

Diego Pics